Updated: Jan 11
Do you remember when you first met the person of your dreams and how great the sex was? Yes you do but it might seem like ages ago! There are many reasons for why the sexual fire tends to die down after a while and you may ask if this is all your fault!
The answer is partly yes. In any relationship both people are responsible for keeping the sexual torch burning brightly, although this can be a hard task to keep up with.
Reason number one - Children.
After children, you might go like, what is sex? Children are wonderful and enriches our lives but they also crave and drain! It might be fucking hard after a day of work and taking care of your darlings to also have the energy to make love to your partner or even manage to feel sensual. All you want to do is eat, sleep, relax and watch Netflix.
Your partner might feel differently and here is where the problems begin. So.. what to do? Here are some tips on how to have more sex in marriage.
Finding some time alone
Tiredness is stated as a big factor affecting parents’ sex lives across all age groups – not just among those that want to have sex after baby. One mother of two children aged 4 and 1 confessed: ‘My husband is always pestering me for sex. I was up for it before we had kids but I work full-time and I’m just so tired, so the last thing I want to do when I get into bed is have sex. I dread Saturday mornings because we both have the day off and I know he’ll wake me up wanting it.
The key here is to get a babysitter. Just get one and go out together.
Talk about how you both feel and how this problem can be solved.
Taking the time to nurture your individual physical and emotional needs will give you the bandwidth to nurture your relationship too, so that it doesn’t feel like another task on the to-do list.
When you experience your partner’s desire for intimacy as an intrusion, ask yourself. How deprived am I in my own self-care? What do I need to do to take care of myself in order to feel connected to my own sexuality? The solution is to talk this through with your partner and actually find a way so you both can have individual space.
Massage, spa, therapy, porn. There are many ways to Rome but try to do something that makes you relax and enjoy your own company.
Take It Slow
Do not expect it to be perfect. But show initiative. Be ok with limited foreplay (occasionally). Be ok with quickies. We may only get 5 hours of sleep if no one wakes up in the night. Totally worth it. Another tip is to compliment your partner on him/her looks. Compliment the work your partner puts in to the household and life in general. Yes. Everyone needs to be seen!!
Why Not Go Shopping?
Again, get a babysitter and go out shopping some brand new cloths together. Have fun, get some drinks, eat some food and relax together. The result will be good and even might surprise you! It's not all about how to have more sex in marriage, but also increase intimacy, dialogue that might lead to sex after all.
Communication and Intimacy
Just set aside time to talk to your partner as much as you can. It will only improve your relationship and eventually also the sex. Cuddle and touch your spouse and make him/her feel your touch! Parenting is important, but couples happiness is also a key piece for a health family.